still around

yep I'm still here, the boy went to his brothers place last nigh, It was his brothers birthday on thursday, he stayed the night its very lonley when you are on your own at night hasn't happened to me for almost 5 years I supposeI should get used to these things he has his independance back and isn't going to waste it just because I have to work, he sent me a message last night I'm guessing he was going to bed trhats always nice, I din't want to be sending messages all night to him since he is supposed to be enjoying some time with his brother.

as for the new diet , last week I lost 2.2 which is pretty normal for the first week of a new plan thanks to the increased consiousness to drink water they really stress that you must have a minimum of 2 ltrs because of how the diet works the kidneys need flushing or some thing like that I'm averaging 3 still don't like the reduced carb thing but the losses are very motivating I might stick with it for another couple of months and see, oh this week was 1.6, I'm expecting to average 1kg a week for the next few, I'd prefer not to be losing too fast the whole time, I estemate 3 months should get me closer to goal than ever before then its up to me to learn eating and cooking fresh and healthy, probably usuing the principals learnt on core and some help from calorie king

it works.........................

Shhhhhhh............................ I finally got sick of waiting for the stupid tool, and did a bit of a dodgey job, I cut a slot in the screw and then made a screwdriver short enough to fit in the space and after alot of miserable face pulling and groaning I got it to do what I wanted, and got the bike started YaaaaaaaaaaaaHooooooooo I took her for a quick trip around the Very big block which covers three or four suburbs :-D and got some fuel since the boy decided to mention that he had been stealing fuel out of my tank after I tried starting it the first time grrrrr last time I used her she was almost empty the plan was to over haul the carbys and go get some fuel in a few weeks at the most a month welll four months later she now has a full tank :-)

I also have a little confession, I have never liked to refer to food as carbs and protien because then you stop thinking human and looking at food as umm but you start thinking how many carbs are in that how much protien etc
The boy had a talk to me after watching me do well on WW only to put it all back on over Xmas, he suggested I try one of those Liquid Protien based diets so I looked at them and picked the Tony Ferguson one because
A) it is Low calorie rather than Very Low calorie
B) it is low carb not no carb but they have a higher amount than other such diets
I'm trying it out for a month I started on wednesday it's driving me mad I want a sandwich, I want a bowl of Weet-Bix grrrrrrrrrrr he is just starting to realise what he convinced me to do
he read the list of food to avoid, bread, peas, corn etc etc, Jeez what can you eat? he says, I reply shakes, diet jelly, meat and lots of vegies, and fruit. he brought me a beer to have with dinner tonight, which is very sweet but No Beer, unless its pure blonde or something similar. he tried c'mon it won hurt what you are doing, but it will and if I'm going to pay the money for it I'm going to do it right the only night/s I am going do otherwise are aunties party the boys b'day and my bros b'day that is if I last that long
if nothing else it will give me the kick start I need and get me motivated again

Dear sweet parcelman

I miss you, you haven't visited in a long time, perhaps I should have given you a jar of ginger bread like I gave gummibear but I didn't make enough.

I miss getting up in the morning to find a package on the doorstep or laying in bead and hearing DING-DONG because you either have a lot of parcels to give me or you want my autograph again then rushing around to find something to answer the door in.

Even a little red card would be nice but a parcel would be much better.

love Belinda

another not quite so interesting day

that's because I dozed all day, after getting up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck that is, I don't know why but some mornings I wake up barely able to move just like I've got a flu but without the coughing, sniffling and watery eyes, go back to bed and wake up again feeling much better.

yesterday or was that the day before I cleaned out the hanging rack of my wardrobe today, I finally reached the end of the washing pile and have a few more things to throw out or donate plus a heap of stuff that came out of the shelves and drawers, I found my old journal, I've only written about 20 pages in it most of it is about the boy and how I felt about him when we had only been together for a few months there is a big lump of time missing a while before and after I moved in with him the last two pages are only a few weeks after he lost his licence, he has this belief that mum was trying to pull us apart but the last two pages show a very different story, one line says...... "I wish I knew what to do and how to do it or even who to talk to, I feel more alone than ever"......... I am considering showing the boy these two pages but I think I'll just throw the whole thing out it make me too sad to have it around

I'm glad that stage in our life is over, even though his bike is off the road and he still can't take himself places (except by bicycle)he is a lot happier and much less stressed the drinking thing still needs work though

I got my part today, still waiting on the tool may need to write another letter to the parcel man last time the thing I was waiting for turned up very shortly after

wow wednesday already

hmmm where did all of those days go........
I ordered a new part today because the boys mate also broke his trying to get it off, I'm thinking poor design there, plastic piece attached to a metal bit in a very hot location (the metal bit has hot oil running through it) the plastic bit seems to get very brittle, hopefully I will get this bit and the tool I have been waiting for on Friday, that would be all of my dreams come true, I'm seriously missing the beast thumping away under me (I would say between my legs but that could come out badly)

I have decide that this will be my last year in my motorcycle club, there are just too many boys involved which is sad because they do a lot for women's riding in Sydney...... where did I get this from, well I pulled up one of the boys for using the word constable in an inappropriate way(deliberate misspelling) and requesting that he not send so many about what the police do wrong to the yahoo group, and got a flood of emails all from men who basically told me to pull my head in, I will now be looking for girls motorcycle groups where while male partners may be accepted to come along on a few day rides for company, but they are not accepted as full members, there was a ride with a different group the boy went with me on until he felt that I was comfortable with these ladies, they all thought this was very sweet that he is protective and caring they had all been riding together for a few years so knew each other pretty well.

It's the boys birthday soon he has requested one of those shed work stools on wheels with the tray underneath for tools or some new T-shirts, singlets and "undies that fit" I'm hoping to find a stool and add a couple of T-shirts, a few singlets and a 7 pack of undies, its the only time he will let me pay for these sorts of things so I'd like to take the opportunity, he also hates birthdays, I get the feeling with his family not being all that well off these times were not all that pleasant. he is very angry that his parents didn't stop at two or three, I think someone wanted a girl who was #4, he views each sibling as more food that could have been in his mouth and fun that could have been in his life, remember he helped raise his siblings and started cooking for the family at 9 so I suppose he has a right to feel this way

I'm off to have a look at my wardrobe, my new clothes have recently highlighted the fact that I really have nothing that is fit to be seen in, most of my clothing is faded or stretched or bleached oddly, which is odd because I don't use bleach unless it went into a wash which required napisan for stain purposes, probably slipped in with my work clothes. anyway I need to sort out the stuff that I keep pulling out and deciding that its not appropriate and putting back, I shouldn't have so many clothes if I'm not going to wear them, my old lady trolley is starting to get full with all of the clothing I have recently decided I won't wear again

yesterday again

this is the boy's new helmet and goggles, yep I took a pic of myself, I'll get confidence to be in front of the camera yet :-), yesterday we found out that the little beast has major problems, hoping to work these out pretty soon so that he dosen't have to be on a bicycle for the next few weeks, I think it may be the head gasket again I might check it tomorrow if I can manage to start getting the house back in order again

new clothes....

I couldn't be bothered doing htis last night, so ................

this is my new outfit, I'm a cheerful little thing aren't I
this is my party outfit yet again cheerfull me, this is why I like to be on the otherside of the camera as much as possible

as for the biy, he passed his test only lost 3 points for not looking left and right before taking off, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, I went for a walk around the rowing lake, the testing place is in the carpark of the olympic rowing centre, I didn't reaaluse that the lake is 2000mtrs long, so i walked 4.1k in my sandles not a good idea, I now have a big rub mark on the top of my foot which hurts no matter which shopes I wear

well......

he booked in for his test today ..... tomorrow 430.....gee I hope he passes, I'm so tired of always being tired because I'm always giving him lifts to and from work I'm tired of the winging and complaining, I'm tired of the regular trips ti ashfeild to get more bits, I'm tired of never going for picnic anymore, because he feels like a retard going everywhere in the car I'm tired of theat last comment every time we are going somewhere that he dosen't want to go

on the other hand... I'll be going to family stuff on my own, prolly spending some weekends alone, mostly because I don't particularly like the Idea of going away with his mate who dosen't understand no thank you I don't feel like a drink and beleives 8 am is a reasonable drinking hour, which it is but only if you have not been to bed yet or you are having some bubbly in orange juice.

I broke a bit on my bike today, not happy.... I have to see above mentioned mate for replacement since his bike which has the same engine as mine is about to be written of, thats 2 in the last 3 years, some people just shouldn't ride, or they have more money than sense, hoping to have the requied tool to get my bike up and running next week, It's driving me mad, although I don't beleive it is prime riding weather, its a little too hot for me its still driving me mad, all of the things I could be doing or going to itsw almost 4 months now, I hope she starts when I do get thigs back together, it will definitley be a case of blowing the cobwebs out (a term usually used by us for a good fast freeway run after alot of short trips) this time

when shopping with mum and dad tonight, found two nice autumnish outfits, one for aunty's party and another one because I put it on, looked in the mirror and said "wow", if I get that feeling I usually buy the thing I'm trying on, I am unimpressed with protmans sizing though, the skirt and top I bought from rockmans was a size 12 and a small, skirt from portmans, size 16 and M top, seriously how can there be that much difference, I can understand a 1 size difference but 2 mum laughed when I picked the skirt up of the rack and said thats a 16 "yeah right, whatever you reckon," mum has just started to get back into the 18's which is good, but I was pretty dissapointed in all of the big womens clothing shops, why is it that big womens clothes have no shape, surely even the more curvy of us could use a little shape in your clothing so that at least you look like you have a waist, nope shelves and shelves full of tents, one shop even sold shoulder pads, show me one size 16-26+ woman who requires shoulder pads, I haven't seen any and all I could inagine them doing is making you apear even larger
we may be taking another shopping trip on the weekend since mum couldn't find what she wanted
I post some pic tomorrow, I'm too tired to be bothered right now