ANZAC DAY

While many people awoke in the early hours of this morning to go to dawn services, or the city march, we slept and slept and slept, very sad I know.

anzac day is the rememberance and aniversary of the day that the Australian an New Zealand Army Corps hit the beaches at galipolli in the wrong spot, many died and after a few months they were forced to retreat, I have seen a movie which shows them making the retreat using rifles rigged up with a container and a dripping bucket above it so that they fired at different times ands the turks would think that they were still there, very clever.

watching alot of war movies today I am surprised at the fact that the old 1050's films show the men showing such affection to each other, I think one was the desert rats of tabrook (spelling?) one of the men started going off at his superior out in the feild and two men jumped on hime holding him dow and tipped some water over his head, after he calmed down the superior who was stroking his head Like you would to comfort anyone who is upset, asked him if he was ok befor they let him up again

Happy Birthday Dad

Ok so it's last years pic and his birthday was yesterday but I remembered and today I got arround to visiting, no roosters this year a chivas regal gift pack instead wich turned out to be really good because all of his old whisky glasses have been broken so now he has two new ones , I'll have to remember that little fact about the glasses for when we get closer to fathers day

I'm very proud of me

I got my info pack last night, the lady I had e-mailed had suggested a few names which were on the list of phone numbers included I rang the one who would be closest to me, she is new to the whole homebirth thing but has been working in hospitals for a while, she said she is going to a covention or some such thing tomorrow and is hoping to find someone to help her which of course will be the deciding factor as to weather she gets into the feild or not so hopefully she finds herself a mentor/ second opinion giver, it dosen't bother me that she has not worked outdside of hospitals she will probably have a few people to contact if she is unsure of something , the other suggestion lives almost an hour away

anyway I am happy that I have rung

also blood tests came back today

yep ...... now what

well I went to the doc finally and she confirmed I am 5.5 week pregnant... wow typing that sorta makes it real doesn't it .......... then she talked very quickly about tests for this and tests for that and which hospital do I want to go to, she was unimpressed when I said I don't particularly want to go to hospital "well where are you planning on having it then" was the very sharp short reply, I was hoping she would give me a list of options but no, I have done alot of reaserch over the past month or so Idealy I'd like to stay home....... call me crazy but I do live within 10 mins of 2 hospitals ....... the other option I had seen was midwife run centers which are attached to hospitals but no docs involved unless needed. to make it simple for everyone fairly healthy women have been having babies long before doctors were even invented obviously with varying experiances but still there shouldn't be a requirement for a healthy woman to go to hospital which in this country unfortunatley it seems there is (indpendant midwives are not covered by medicare) another reason is that the hospital I would most likley be going to a friend got hepititis when she went there to have her baby and more recently a lady died after a Ceasearien because she wasn't monitored properly after ther surgery..... she didn't even get to see her child.... the other one has lost at least one baby's body so probably not so bad. on top of all of that I really don't like going to doctors or hospitals if I can really help it.

I have contacted a midwife who is sending me an infor mation pack so we will see where we go from there

the christening

I'm hoping I don't offend too many people with this one

today was J's christening, it was so hypocritical.

I sat at the back of the church, listening to the priest who obviously beleived very much in what he was saying and enjoyed explaining it all to others, which is always good rather than the old boring church service where you have to sit still, be quiet and try to stay awake while passage after passage is read from the bible.

Any way the hypocritical bit was when the parents and godparents had to speak on behalf of the child (in this case J) that isn't a problem if you know that they go to church most sundays and beleive in what they are saying, but all 4 of them hardly ever go to church which is actually the reason that j was christened so old (he is almost 2) it took them that long to find someone to christen the child of people that do not attend the church which I beleive is exactly what should happen.

I feel that they basicly lied to a priest in a church which is just not done I promised to raise him in the way of the church and teach him about god etc and on his behalf denied the devil acces or some thing like that but that is the first time in years that any of them have been to church it is all a thing that is done because of fashion, thats all I can see of it anyway.

no I haven't got to the Doc yet I might go tomorrow on my way home from getting the bike registered,

what a weekend

we finally took the boat out for a decent sail........ 4 hours to be exact ..................... my grandmother has a holiday house at nelson bay, we have been going there well since grandma was a little girl, its right across the road from the beach if you lay on the bed in the front room you hear the waves rolling in and feel like you have to lift your feet for the street sweeper to go past
this weekend we camped in the backyard I got up bright and early with mum for a nice 6am swim then the boy came out with some of the bits for the boat which we had put on the beach when we arrived so it was ready to go. mum suggested that we go for a quick sail before breakfast off we went me thinking we'd say close to the beach for around half an hour and have breakfast then go out again.................. we kept going and going three or four beaches along the boy said lets turn around here........... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA........... we tried then we started going backwards eventually he let me steer and I got us out to the middle of the harbour where the sand bars are with big waves, which was pretty fun then we had to try and get back to the beach lots of fun doing that, a nice man on a kayak gave us some pointers and we were off again we eventually got back to breakfast at 1200 mum had been worried about us and driven around all of the local beaches looking for us, we arrived back just as they did
we didn't go out again but dad and DLB went out for a bit they had fun, we drove home on Monday morning, very tiring, apparently nelson bay is 2.5 hrs from Sydney, I am yet to do the trip in less than 3 which is probably a good thing considering the road toll which is generally related to people driving further than they normally do in one go,
*******************seriously people nothing is better than pulling into a driver reviver for a cuppa and a bickie and a stretch, the beach will still be there if you get there half an hour later, the room/spot you booked will still be vacant , the family will be much happier having stopped and had a run around, trust me while I was growing up, dad went from the have to get there now style to the stop revive survive style it made the trip much more enjoyable, especially since we often did it leaving home at 11 at night or 4 in the morning************************

on another note, I'm 4 days "Late" and have 2 lines, :-) guess I'd better visit a DR sometime soon,
I'm a little disappointed,
I haven't been able to use my new cloth pads but I did use the pantie liner and found it very comfortable, I guess because its cotton feels like cotton undies.
I was expecting to be sick and a whole lot of other things, I do have tender boobs, don't hug too tight, how do you explain that one to a family member, and I'm really tired and moody, recovering from night shift , and I haven't had a good wee for what seems like ages(you know the one where you are absolutely busting, and you get to completely empty your bladder really quickly) OK so that may be in the TMI category.
as for mentioning anything to anyone........ My cousin said once with the wokness monster you cant tell everyone until its in,in and well and truly stuck to the side, or something like that,

I think after I see the DR I might mention it to mum, but she doesn't want grandies so I also might wait until people ask questions about why I never drink anymore and why I don't drink so much coffee although that doesn't provide for much support really does it we'll see, we, the boy and I, are not babies people, we just feel that now is a good time so it will probably be a shock to a lot of people until then life goes on, those who read this will be my secret keepers for now..................

easter and the loooooong weekend

welll its that time of year again, so much chocolate so much temptation.................. well that is for some, I love the odd cadbury cream egg and red tulip bunnies but I have sort of gone off chocolate , we have choc chip easter buns.................. some one rang the radio whinging about the shops calling them easter buns it think its appropriate because they don't sell them hot anymore so they can't be called hot crossed buns.......................... they use dark chocolate chips, which I really like, I must be getting old, I like dark chocolate.
We are having pizza tomorrow night, the boy likes to make extra effort to go against the tradition of fish on good friday so home made meat lovers pizza it is, I'm planning to make the bases as well, with one of the recipies from a year in bread hopefully they will work out ok, despit my lacking a pizza stone, if they turn out ok I'll buy one
I'm happy that this year I will have 5 days off thats almost a whole weeknice I have no Idea what I'll do but I think it may have a bit to do with getting my routines back in order

Blah

wow two posts in one day look out thing might be happening again...............

I'm getting really descriptive about my titles at the moment hahahahahahahahahaha

during my very short nap, the parcel man arrived and delivered my lundry powder tin and my soaking bucket, which I didn't realise at the time are retro kitchen not just the type you get from spotlight so I am really happy about that, I am also turning green, earth friendly type green not the colour, I found out about re-useable sanitry supplies, so I will be testing some out, I currently have enough to last me 2 days which should be long enough to get the idea of wether I like them or not, that is providing that that is the reason I have had sore nipples for the last week or so, that is definatley one thing that is driving me crazy, they range from just tender to touch to take my top off and get me an ice pack, was really bad tonight when the job I was doing required laying on my chest while pulling big cables through the holes the belong in, they were bloody stubborn cables , I will have some lovley bruises tomorrow, there may well be a good pic to go with that

oh well thats me for tonight bed is calling

ho hum

I was trying to pick this up again hahahahahaha obviously a bit slow in actually doing, I really want a laptop so I can get out of this silly cupboard.
I'm certain with the advances in laptops soon no house will have a specific computer room especially houses like mine, our use of the space could probably be better but that's not going to happen . the dogs pulled out the Internet connection twice this week, so I was not happy about laying on my back under the house, connecting little phone line wires.
One day I will move the modem to the front of the house and get rid of all of the other phone lines that are under the house we don't need them we have cordless phones the main one is a quad pack 3 in the house and 1 in the shed then we have the VOIP phones, in a three pack, throughout the house, we only use those to ring out its too much trouble changing numbers and the VOIP that we have at the moment is really temperamental.
The boy would have given up long ago, I just keep resetting it, keep rese-ting, keep rese-ting hmm doesn't quite work in text ....... think nemo and dory sad I know, me and my kids movies, seriously I love the animation all of the things they can do these days amazes me, I like to buy the special edition DVDs because they have the how it was made on them

and I thought I'd have nothing to type we got calendar girl's (new house member) wardrobe yesterday I have decided that when I get old and grumpy and don't want to so much any more I'm going into furniture assembly, I love it, its like a big jigsaw puzzle in 3D and at the end its something useful, watching mum and dad trying to put anything together is a nightmare, they usually call for help, I really don't get what is so hard about it but then there are a few girls I know who will call daddy to put things together too so it must be really confusing, I really like the ones that come with instructions in another language or that are poorly interpreted, it ads to the fun

me I feel like Ive been hit by a bus maybe its that flu shot kicking in, but I woke up this morning went to the loo and straight back to bed, I probably should see about that but it s also likely to be related to lack of sleep or too many pillows too, I am thinking about trying the new chiropractor down the road I'm also deciding, since I need it for tax purposes weather to go fully featured health insurance for $1000s a year or just basic hospital for around $80, I'm hoping they change the thresholds this year or next then I can go back to not worrying and keep my savings for medical needs and just have ambulance cover like I always have, I hate the Idea of paying for something I may not want or need or for some one else to use but with us both on motorcycles, I reckon there's a chance of a chopper ride and I imagine that would be very expensive thus the ambulance cover

I'm watching the Ute ATM its on e-bay lots of looks 7 watchers but no bids....... grrrrrrr it finishes at around lunch time I'm thinking a nap until then will do me good

I need sleep

I hate nightshift................ all I want to do is sleep not this stupid broken, 4hrs here and 4hrs there sleep, a good quality sleep where

• no phones ring
• no parcels arrive
• no opening and closing doors,
• no noisey Mo-bikes

...........................I can't wait till tomorrow night I'm going to bomb the house tomorrow at around lunchtime, which is when I'll be going out for a decent ammount of time, there is a fundraiser on near work for one of the sign on clerks, he got cancer in his jaw, found out in feb, been off work since, lots of donations for him and his family and now a bit of a do I hope he is not off for too long, he came to visit a few weeks ago and apart from a lot of swelling in his face he looked pretty good

The boy has requested that I don't do night shift again, I will try but sometimes you just get stuck with shifts you don't want which is what happened this week oh well

I suppose I'll be off to work now .... last night yaaaaaaaaaay

a failed mission and a sleepy day

well, we failed to get a wardrobe, all of the places we went looking at shut at or a little after lunchtime, along with that, the boy yet again loaded me up with and impossible amount of doing things.
He seems to forget that there are only 24 hrs in a day 8 of which are required for resting and 2 or 3 for preparing and eating, but then he doesn't eat often or rest very much so it doesn't matter to him.

Any way,
he wanted me to help his nan pick up a table and chairs set he had already told nan that I would do it, nan lives at least 30mins drive away we woke up at half past 9 I got there at almost 11, picked up table and chairs got back to nans at around 12 (aka lunchtime) left there got to mumand dads at 1245, Little bro was cooking pastizzis so we ate them, and got to the salvos at around 1340 they close at 1345 grrr vinnies at penrith close at 12 grrrrr so I'll go looking in the morning after work hopefully I'll find something suitable, If not I'll be looking at the cheap furniture places but I doubt those ones will hold enough clothing with out breaking

I also had to find time to vote in there somewhere, I ended up going at 1730 which was great because there were no lines and I wasn't sure which electorate I am in

today is a sleepy day, I'm getting ready for night shift hoping to sleep enough today that I won't get too tired tonight then have a really good sleep tomorrow afternoon

yet another exciting adventure

well, umm two or was it three days ago, My DLB, Darling Little Bro, sent me a message, his Gf had had a fight with her mum and needed someplace to go because the place she went to wasn't all that safe, a quick discussion with the boy and bang we now have a border , which is nice, but it makes life a little different, no more running around the house nakey, no more quick dashes to the bathroom, no more door open when sleeping, but other than that all is good, she is hardly here, she works 12 hr days in the city and doesn't eat very much , tomorrow I am on a mission to find a wardrobe, poor girl is still living out of shopping bags and we can't have that,

hoping to find a nice old one with a mirror on it and some drawers

Oh and I must not forget to vote tomorrow, I have to take the boy's nan to vote so I'm hoping I can absentee vote there otherwise I will have to go to 2 polling places, I knew I should have taken up that postal vote offer that they sent out I will have to do that next time, The Boy isn't registered so he doesn't have to , that is until they catch up with him and fine him $100s, I'm hoping that they don't catch up with him, he claims he will register when big issues are decided by referendum and it is no longer compulsory to vote

and life goes on

I'm tired I was working lots of OT in order to pay off the ute, new plan, we are selling the ute hopefully for a fair bit more than I owe on it then I'll get some back anyway because some of the loan is the cost of loan insurance, I hope it sells soon after I advertise.
Aparently I have to write to the bank for a bill of sale before selling it, I was hoping to be able to do it over the phone, they will also want a reason for me wanting to sell, especially since we are not buying a replacement the boy will help me with this tomorrow.
I still think it's crazy to do all of this just because we might have a child at the end of the year or early next year but it makes him happy and we aren't using the Ute atm anyway because we are both riding everywhere, but then there are the people who had to spend 6 months in bed/hospital due to sickness or something like that so it probably is not such a silly way of thinking I foun a quote I like I'll put it in my discription line it is

PLAN AHEAD It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark

It sorta reminds me of the way the boy thinks which is probably a good thing. the next few things that are on the list apart from moving the computer and re-aranging the wardrobe are all too specific to be worried about right now

the weight loss thing is working alot better now that I don't have th problem of the pills, (yes I know excuses excuses) weight gain is a side effect, I'm thinking I might stay off them, I have changed my diet yet again I am now only drinking shakes for breakfast untill I run out, Jen you were right losing weight quickly is inspiring but not eating real food and losing too quickly made me extra tired, so I am working on the whole portions and good food thing I eat only untill I feel comfortable, it is hard to teach myself that I don't have to eat the whole plate, the boy has been more supportive too, he asks me about halfway though dinner if I am full and do I really need to eat the rest which is a great help, I am now below the 73kg mark for the first time in ages which I'm very pleased with

well tis now well and truly bedtime for me, Merlot I'm working on updating more often I'm dissapointed I have let my updates get so far apart

now what happens if you don't take the yellow ones?

one of my deep dark thoughts which has been keeping me away from here,

after the weekend the boy did the affectionate things that boys do (Ok so he laid on top of me and nibbled an ear TMI?)
I told him I'd missed a magic pill so I had better take it before we start thinking like that, he replied that that's up to me.............. hmmmmm .................. so I quizzed him on it turns out that Like me he is starting to worry about getting too old to have/enjoy children and would like to get married and have babies ........... not necessarily in that order but soon ................ SO I didn't take it....................

now back to the question.................. what happens when you don't take the yellow ones. For those with no Idea the packet has many yellow pills and 7 or so white ones, the white ones are the ones that you take at TTOM they are pretty much just sugar. anyway the answer.................. stop taking the yellow ones and TTOM happens no matter when you stop. prolly should have checked that one out before I did it, oh well will see how we go.

The boy is insisting that we must start buying things now he is such a worry wort......... this means he wants the Ute sold in the next couple of weeks and a small 4-5 door car bought, OK so I want a smaller car due to cheaper rego he just wants something that a baby seat can be fitted to.............................. then various essential items bought, like child restraint and bassinet , then while we are there we may as well look at the other necessities like nappies. he mentioned something about my ability to procrastinate until its almost too late so while I was planning to do as much OT as possible to pay off the Ute, that loan will more than likely be halved now making it much easier to pay off then OT will go towards other things.

then there was the whole getting married bit, which I mentioned to mum and dad, we(the boy and I) have always discussed simple , nice park, immediate family only, mum and dad had the guest list to 34 without the boys extended family very quickly, they also offered to help out with up to $3000 so how do you tell them to keep things very small, I am aware some people spend in the 10s of thousands so 3 is very small but I was thinking around 16 people. I knew there was a reason people eloped, I'm thinking it's a pretty good Idea

ooh

Wow 10 days since my lat post, I have many excuses but none of them really fit, except maybe the too tired ones and then theres the been thinking too much to type one then theres work but I have been on dayshift so no excuses there .

Anyway the weekend of my auntys party was great, I got a little sunburnt I suppose thats to be expected at a garden party in the mountains, I think every one was expecting low 20s or high teens try low 30s grrr was a very nice day, mum and her friends got very drunk, after the boy and I left she got even more drunk and told of my cousins partner who is very nice but only comes to big important family events which I think is good better than (now here is a long discription) my cousins aunty's husband who untill last weekend we haven't seen for 2 years and is very rarely at home due to work commitments (it is beleived that his work is very suss)

for a change rather than camping in the paddock we stayed at the jenolan caravan park in a cabin which was really great firstly because its nice to get away from the restriction and expectations of the extended family(they want everyone to join in all the time) my cousin told them this when we mentioned that we were leaving she was right it is nice for young couples to get away for some time on their own when it comes to these things I'm sure here partner would have dragged her away if he could, trhe boy found a take away and a bottle shop still open in oberon, I was suprised small country towns normaly close down at 12 noon on weekends he had chips and potato scollops and a beer then started to fall sleep, the poor boy spilled his beer when he fell asleep.

It was nice to ride with him again after soo long , I learn alot by following him on the way back we just missed the rain, then later in the day we got those awesome thunderstorms and lots of rain, its been like summer used to be latley, warm sunny days with not a cloud in the sky then and evening storm out of nowhere, brilliant !

Happy Birthday to the boy

yep its his birthday, 32 today hahahaha that's like really old :-P I made a cake, it wobbled in the middle when I pulled it out so I put it back in for another 10 mins , the boy liked the decoration, he even suggested other options like stencils and icing sugar

I have to work on the piping thing , I think I made the icing too runny

I got him 2 pair of shorts, 2 t- shirts, a 5 pack of undies and and garage roller stool with a tool tray underneath, puts him at the right height to work on bikes

I gave in to a piece of cake, sorta wishing I hadn't cause I don't feel very well after that I won't have any more save extra treats for aunty's party on the weekend

still around

yep I'm still here, the boy went to his brothers place last nigh, It was his brothers birthday on thursday, he stayed the night its very lonley when you are on your own at night hasn't happened to me for almost 5 years I supposeI should get used to these things he has his independance back and isn't going to waste it just because I have to work, he sent me a message last night I'm guessing he was going to bed trhats always nice, I din't want to be sending messages all night to him since he is supposed to be enjoying some time with his brother.

as for the new diet , last week I lost 2.2 which is pretty normal for the first week of a new plan thanks to the increased consiousness to drink water they really stress that you must have a minimum of 2 ltrs because of how the diet works the kidneys need flushing or some thing like that I'm averaging 3 still don't like the reduced carb thing but the losses are very motivating I might stick with it for another couple of months and see, oh this week was 1.6, I'm expecting to average 1kg a week for the next few, I'd prefer not to be losing too fast the whole time, I estemate 3 months should get me closer to goal than ever before then its up to me to learn eating and cooking fresh and healthy, probably usuing the principals learnt on core and some help from calorie king

it works.........................

Shhhhhhh............................ I finally got sick of waiting for the stupid tool, and did a bit of a dodgey job, I cut a slot in the screw and then made a screwdriver short enough to fit in the space and after alot of miserable face pulling and groaning I got it to do what I wanted, and got the bike started YaaaaaaaaaaaaHooooooooo I took her for a quick trip around the Very big block which covers three or four suburbs :-D and got some fuel since the boy decided to mention that he had been stealing fuel out of my tank after I tried starting it the first time grrrrr last time I used her she was almost empty the plan was to over haul the carbys and go get some fuel in a few weeks at the most a month welll four months later she now has a full tank :-)

I also have a little confession, I have never liked to refer to food as carbs and protien because then you stop thinking human and looking at food as umm but you start thinking how many carbs are in that how much protien etc
The boy had a talk to me after watching me do well on WW only to put it all back on over Xmas, he suggested I try one of those Liquid Protien based diets so I looked at them and picked the Tony Ferguson one because
A) it is Low calorie rather than Very Low calorie
B) it is low carb not no carb but they have a higher amount than other such diets
I'm trying it out for a month I started on wednesday it's driving me mad I want a sandwich, I want a bowl of Weet-Bix grrrrrrrrrrr he is just starting to realise what he convinced me to do
he read the list of food to avoid, bread, peas, corn etc etc, Jeez what can you eat? he says, I reply shakes, diet jelly, meat and lots of vegies, and fruit. he brought me a beer to have with dinner tonight, which is very sweet but No Beer, unless its pure blonde or something similar. he tried c'mon it won hurt what you are doing, but it will and if I'm going to pay the money for it I'm going to do it right the only night/s I am going do otherwise are aunties party the boys b'day and my bros b'day that is if I last that long
if nothing else it will give me the kick start I need and get me motivated again

Dear sweet parcelman

I miss you, you haven't visited in a long time, perhaps I should have given you a jar of ginger bread like I gave gummibear but I didn't make enough.

I miss getting up in the morning to find a package on the doorstep or laying in bead and hearing DING-DONG because you either have a lot of parcels to give me or you want my autograph again then rushing around to find something to answer the door in.

Even a little red card would be nice but a parcel would be much better.

love Belinda

another not quite so interesting day

that's because I dozed all day, after getting up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck that is, I don't know why but some mornings I wake up barely able to move just like I've got a flu but without the coughing, sniffling and watery eyes, go back to bed and wake up again feeling much better.

yesterday or was that the day before I cleaned out the hanging rack of my wardrobe today, I finally reached the end of the washing pile and have a few more things to throw out or donate plus a heap of stuff that came out of the shelves and drawers, I found my old journal, I've only written about 20 pages in it most of it is about the boy and how I felt about him when we had only been together for a few months there is a big lump of time missing a while before and after I moved in with him the last two pages are only a few weeks after he lost his licence, he has this belief that mum was trying to pull us apart but the last two pages show a very different story, one line says...... "I wish I knew what to do and how to do it or even who to talk to, I feel more alone than ever"......... I am considering showing the boy these two pages but I think I'll just throw the whole thing out it make me too sad to have it around

I'm glad that stage in our life is over, even though his bike is off the road and he still can't take himself places (except by bicycle)he is a lot happier and much less stressed the drinking thing still needs work though

I got my part today, still waiting on the tool may need to write another letter to the parcel man last time the thing I was waiting for turned up very shortly after